Sonra Annem Ölüverdi

Sonra annem ölüverdi…

Babam ölmüştü. Bir sabah saat 7, abim kapıyı çalınca anlamıştım ama inkara durmuştum. Anne, “Evimizin direği çöktü!” dedi, ağlıyordu.

Bir adam beni terk etmişti bir gün, hani ben mi sanmıştım, o da mı sanmıştı bilemem, sanki hiçbir zaman için ölmeyeceğim güne kadar orada olacaktı. Sonra gitti.

Anne neden babanın ölümüne o kadar tepki verdi anlamadım ama cenazede tabut başında ağladı.

Neyse, bana artık yoktu, anne yalnızdı, ben yalnızca gözlemci. Anne kent evi dönüştürürse kalacak ev arıyordu.

Kentler dönüştürüyor evleri… Sabahları gözleme ve tarhana çorbası kokusuna kalkmak isteyen kaldı mı?

İki kapıdan reddedildi. Onlar anne için güvenilir olanlardı, hani evlerini verebilecekler. Vermediler, ‘sakin kal’ dedim, dinlemedi, kavgaya durdu. Evlerden birini kavgayla aldı, kavganın sonucunu düzeltmeye çalıştı, o da olmadı. Evin badana, boyası yapıldı ama kavganın izleri bütün evlerde kalmıştı.

Bir şeyler olduğunu fark ettim elbette. Gözlemciyim ama kalbim yok değildi. 80 kilo civarındaydı, tek gözü kördü, diğer gözüne göz dibi iğneleri yapılıyordu.

Hani şu olayı çözmüş gibi davrananlar vardır ya, ona hep ‘sen iyisin!’ diyorlardı.

Oysa o her sağlık ocağına tek başına araba kullanarak gittiğinde dönünce ağlıyordu. Gelinleri çalışmıyordu, onu götürecek kimse olmaz mıydı?

Ben?

Bir kez onu arabayla ben götürmeyi denedim, araba içinde çığlık atmaya başladı. Bir kez o kullanırken yanında olayım dedim, bana hikayelerini anlatırken refüje çıkıyordu. Ben dedim, en iyisi yalnız sürse arabayı daha iyi, hani daha konsantre olur.

Anne arabayı yalnız sürdü ve gelinleri onu hiçbir yere götürmedi, bir torba domates almaya bile. Bir de üstüne, “Sanal Marketten alışverişe alışsana anne! Yaşlısın sen!” dediler. Oysa onun için Sanal Market’ten bir alışveriş gönderim ücreti 5,90 tl idi. Öldüğünde biriktirdiği paralardan her bir torununa kumbara hesabından 35bin tl çıktı.

Anneyi ben buldum, arabanın içinde vefat etmişti. Gelinleri zahmet edip onu bankaya götürmedikten sonra kendi arabasının içinde vefat etmiş. O gün de bankaya 70 yaşındaki erkek kardeşine hale biriktirdiği paralardan yollayabilmek için yeni banka kartı almaya gitmişti.

Cesedini bulduğumda taktığı gözlükler şimdi yıkılmaya durmuş evde bıraktım. Gelinleri istemedi. Ben de kendi anım bile olamayan onun ölümüyle kaldım. Gözlükler inşaatta parçalanmıştır, onu en son sağ gördüğüm masa ve sandalye ben kiraya çıkınca çalındı. Neyse ki her zaman oturduğu kanepeyi güzel bir adam ailesi için aldı.

Üzülmek için neden yoksa, içmek için neden olmaz.

Hahhaha!

Hala usunuzun düşündüklerine, kalbinizin hissettiklerine açıklama mı yapmaya çalışıyorsunuz?

Ben annede üzüntüden ölebilmeyi gördüm.

Takılın.

Enter Your Mail Address

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