Halıda Kaka

Lisede benden üst sınıfta bir kız vardı, bir de akıl hastalığı seviyesinde bir hoca.

Hoca camide olur, hadi öğretmen diyelim.

Kadın, öğretmen olan saçma bir kadındı. Bir gün arkadaşlarla sohbetteyim, “Söylediklerinizi ben de anlamak istiyorum, İngilizce konuşun!” dedi. Annesi Amerikalıymış. Gayet sakin bir şekilde, “Türkçe konuşacağım!” dediğimin ertesi günü disiplindeydim. “Dicle has a heart that cuts like razor blade, my heart is still bleeding from her words!”

Anlayan varsa neden disipline yollandığımı anlasın. Türkçe konuştuğum için, Türklerle…

Neyse, bu benim derdim. Sonra kavga çıktı, ben tanıdık bir doktordan deli raporu aldım, okula devam etmedim. O ara zaten son yılın son üç ayıydı. Aldım diplomayı artık not ortalaması neyse. Ondan önce zaten kabul vardı, gittim Boston’a da, önce özür dilemeler falan… Of off…

Şimdi bu manyak hoca benim üst sınıftan da bir kıza musallat olmuş. Ama kızı öyle sapıttırmış ki, benim yüce sakinliğimdeki gibi gelişmemiş olay. Kız bir gün hocanın ofisine girmiş ve halısının üstüne kakasını yapıp bırakmış!

Asıl sorun, kız kakasını hocanın halısına yaptıktan sonra üstüne tüy dikmemiş! Bütün sorun oydu!

Tüy ekme olayı da Anadolu’da geceleri çok sıcak olduğunda ailece çatı tepesindeki düzlükte uyunurmuş. Gece birisinin kakası geldiğinde malum aşağı inip uygun yer bulmak zor, kaka yapılırmış, üstüne de ‘aman buraya basmasın’ işareti olarak tüy dikilirmiş.

Neyse, kız kakasını o gıcık hocamın halısının üstüne yapmış. Gülen gülmüştü, ben de tüyü düşünüyordum…

Şaka tabi… Artık nasıl bir tiksinti ve incinmişlikle kendi poponu açarsın ve poponu yıkayabileceğin su bile olmadan birisinin halısına s.çarsın?

Hoca denilen kaltağa hiç acımamıştım. Kıza gelirim ama bir halı olsanız, tiksinilesi bir hocanın ofisinde olmak ister misiniz? Hani sanki yeni yürümeye başlamış bir bebeğin ayakları altında olsanız, ya da sevişen yeni evli bir çifte yer örtüsü… Halıya acımıştım.

Kıza? Kızın yaptığına gülenler olmuştu, hani hoca denilen kaltaktan intikam aldı diye ama ben üzülmüştüm. Nasıl bir durum sizi pantolonu ve donu indirip bir halının üstüne dışkılama muhtaciyetine götürür?

Yakın zamanda bir haber vardı. Adamcağızın biri geçim sıkıntısı bile denilemeyecek, çocuklarını doyuramama hissinden kendisini yakmış.

O hoca denilen o kıza ne yaptıysa, ofise gizlice girip donunu indirip kakasını yapmış…

Düşünün lütfen… Ne üzücü, baskı ve zulüm altında kimilerinin dönüşebildiği… İntikam almak sanıp acizleşmeler… İntikam aldığını sanıp, sönen koltukla “Benim kim olduğumu hatırlıyor musun?” demek istemeler…

Poponuzu açıp birisinin önünde kaka yaparsanız, intikam alan mısınız, yoksa zavallı olan mı?

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